My mom believes that when she dies she will come back as a goose.
I tell her that's fine just as long as she doesn't poop.
When the geese fly over her house she tells them it's not time yet.

My mom is not afraid to swear and when she hires people she tells
them she often says, "fuck."

My mom once called a local DJ a "wiener."

My mom feels that a purse is not a purse unless you can put a pair of shoes in it.

My mom taught me that you can never spend too much money on a haircut and that it's
a crime against all things good if I don't vote. (Which I do. And often. I forgot to vote once
when I was in college and she read me the riot act.)

My mom taught me that you're never too old to climb mountains.